Pretty Fly for a White Girl

Yesterday I had an audition for a hip/hop music video. I had sent in my profile and the director contacted me and said I was shortlisted to be one of the girls in the video. They were looking for girls that looked urban and weren't afraid to move and be articulate in front of the camera. Lucky for them "urban", "move" and "articulate" are my middle names. (I was teased all through primary school but who's laughing now!?!?!?)

So I practiced the night before dancing in the mirror to all types of Hip-hop and R&B music. Fast, slow, hard, soft - either way I looked pretty damn good. This girl has moves - and I was confident to show the camera what I had.

The morning of the audition I got dressed up in my most urban outfit (ers) and my big hoop earrings and I looked the part. I convinced myself that I was from the streets - and realized that there would be no way the casting team would know if I really was or not. American is tough - and isn't Canada, America? Yes, my British friends it is. I am from the hood, the streets, the G-H-E-T-T-OH! So I walk into the audition acting tough (I am from the streets afetr all. Luckily after Daddy stopped dealin crack I got out o dare cause my Auntie has funds, yo - so she like, sponsored me to get my junk overseas where I can make somethin' o myself. At first I was scerrred, but now I know you can make it without crack.) So I am waiting patiently to be called in when a small white guy walks into the room (he was the director) and greets me.

Director: Hi, are you here from the music video?
Me: Yes.
Director: Oh, where are you from?
Me: (Acting tough) Canada.
Director: Oh, where abouts?
Me: (Acting a little less tough.) Alberta.
Director: Oh where in Alberta?
Me: (Busted.) Edmonton.
Director: Oh, I'm from Calgary! What high school did you go to?
Me: Uh....Sturgeon.

And there we have it. My cards were all out on the table. The director now knew EVERYTHING about me. He now knew I'm not from the streets. He knew my daddy don't deal crack. He knew that I was the whitest girl he would be auditioning that day.

So we walk into the room together, me a little defeated that my fake persona was revealed, and there are 30 rapper and entourage type people surrounding a really tiny room where I was to do my audition. They are all staring at me. I'm assuming they had guns. I was a bit intimidated but I thought, "Show them that this white girl can dance." So I waited for the music to start and then I would reveal my talents. The director asked me to make some poses in front of the camera. I was still waiting for the music. This is a music video right? Uh...no music. Ok, so just make poses, right?

Director: POSE!
I pose.
Director: POSE!
I pose.
Director: POSE!
I pose.
Director: Uh...can you make it sexier?
I turn beat red. I pose.

This is when I knew the audition was a bust.

So my friends, I may be a good dancer but I ain't no ho.