I Heart Alberta Beef.

Only a few more days until I am eating Alberta beef. Sigh. Oh, how I miss it!

Today I got in an argument with someone who calls himself a "vegetarian". I have never heard of such a person, but apparently these "vegetarians" don't eat cows. Or pigs. They probably eat veal though because it was just a baby cow, not a REAL cow. Eating REAL cows is cruel. (Now I have “If I had a million dollars” in my head...)

So this "vegetarian" was telling me that he read the book "The Ethics of Being a Vegetarian" and it changed his life. I told him I would soon be beginning my novel, "The Ethics of Being a Meatetarian" and it will also change people's lives.

I haven't really thought about what to put in this book per se.... but I'm sure I could write at least 13 pages in 12 Arial font. I have a friend that wrote a book. I'm pretty sure her's was about that length, but I'll have to double check. Here are a few classic meat stories I will put into my 13 page non-fiction book.

1. I've mentioned it before but, yes, my mom would send us to school with packed lunches of cold cut up steak and all of the kids would ask me why my lunch was bleeding.

2. I once told Jbooks that I remember eating at a restaurant so vividly because we ordered "pig" and she told me most people call it "pork". Classy.

3. My most favorite dish that isn't steak or turkey or fish or veal or ham or porkchops is the exotic meat plate at the Grizzly House in Banff. Alligator and snake taste like chicken but shark is DELICIOUS.

4. I managed to eat with a vegan at least once a week in 4th Year University and we are still friends. Fact. She would order cheese-less pizza and I would order the Meatlovers dish. At times it was hard not watching her consume animal products but I slowly got used to it. The thought of it now makes me gag a little.

5. I went to New Brunswick to visit a friend and his family for Thanksgiving who was a bit of a family outcast due to the fact that his dad's favorite past time was fishing and his outcast son's life motto was "If it comes from the sea, then it ain't for me." My rebuttal to that - which I declared to his family at Thanksgiving dinner - was, "If it comes from the sea, or was once alive and you can kill it and eat it, then it's for me." (That may seem a bit harsh but at 21 I thought that was reasonable.)

Having said all of this, if you are a “vegetarian”, then all the power to ya. Just more meat for me! But look out for my novella, “The Ethics of Being a Meatetarian” in stores soon. It will then be adapted into the screenplay “The Meatshank Redemption” and the Broadway musical called “Meat” where all of the characters and everyone they know will have iron deficiency.